Who Am I, and What Do I Want?

Healing from narcissistic and emotional abuse is a lifelong unraveling. One has to scrape through many layers of gunk made up from the minimization of abuse and misplaced, mis-formed thoughts about one’s self and the world they live in. In many ways, I consider myself extremely fortunate and privileged to have escaped my abusers andContinue reading “Who Am I, and What Do I Want?”

When Survivors Dare To Believe They Are Worthy of More

Healing can be a long process, especially from complex trauma. There is an entire lifetime of coping mechanisms that survivors must unravel before they can decide what to keep and what to toss out. The process of becoming who you really are is tough for anyone, but for those who survived childhood abuse, it meansContinue reading “When Survivors Dare To Believe They Are Worthy of More”

Gaslighting Creates A Longing To Be Understood

When I was a child, I had no tools or language to understand the abuse that was happening to me. What I did know was that I was constantly misunderstood. My parents often accused me of doing things I never did and punished me for not doing things that were not mine to be done.Continue reading “Gaslighting Creates A Longing To Be Understood”

Emotional Neglect Harms As Much As Overt Abuse

I grew up in an extremely dysfunctional home with a raging, alcoholic, narcissistic father. I still carry a lot of pain over the traumatic memories of his irrational outbursts and propensity to punish me for imagined slights. I struggle with an overbearing sense of responsibility and need to be blameless as a result of hisContinue reading “Emotional Neglect Harms As Much As Overt Abuse”

Emergencies are Easy- Healing is Hard

A couple weeks ago, my daughter had a medical emergency. I was four hours away. My husband and I had just hiked in to a remote location, eager to spend a few days in silence and contemplation. It was also much-needed chance to re-connect with each other. The last few weeks had been especially busy,Continue reading “Emergencies are Easy- Healing is Hard”

I Have Much More To Say

One year ago today, I created my very first post, I Have Something To Say.┬áThis was a huge milestone in my recovery for a few reasons. Because of the type of abuse I experienced, I had a huge mental and physical block about speaking up publicly. The knots in my stomach, lumps in my throatContinue reading “I Have Much More To Say”

For Trauma Survivors, ‘Pushing Through’ Isn’t Heroic- It’s Avoidant

I study a lot of stories, and I am well-versed in the power of inspirational stories to uplift and entertain through shared catharsis. We can learn a lot about our own lives through storytelling. However, there is a big reason why some stories that feature characters who rise above their circumstances go down as all-timeContinue reading “For Trauma Survivors, ‘Pushing Through’ Isn’t Heroic- It’s Avoidant”

Abuse is not an Illness, It’s a Choice

One of the biggest mistakes I see victims of narcissistic abuse make is to feel sorry for their abusers because their abuser is “mentally ill.” This is wrong. Narcissism is not the same as mental illness. While someone with a mental illness might inadvertently cause chaos around them due to their mental state, most ofContinue reading “Abuse is not an Illness, It’s a Choice”

Invisible Me

I have a life-long habit of going unnoticed, even to myself. I am so busy getting things done, I rarely ever make time to acknowledge my own accomplishments. It struck me the other day, just how much I am managing while also making space in my life to grieve my past and heal from trauma.Continue reading “Invisible Me”

A Voluntary Orphan

It’s been nearly twelve years since I went no contact with my covert narcissist mother, thirteen for my malignant narcissist father. After a lifetime of trying to reason and cope with the abuse, I made a choice to leave in order to survive them. I am now a voluntary orphan. It’s been the hardest andContinue reading “A Voluntary Orphan”