Before Forgiveness

One of the most common non-helpful responses to someone suffering from the fallout of abuse is to push the victim toward forgiveness too soon. Usually it’s coupled with some form of shame that the victim “should” feel something other than whatever she is feeling. Sometimes, it’s coupled with well-meaning platitudes- “It’s the Christian thing toContinue reading “Before Forgiveness”

"But I Know Him…"

Recently I shared an op-ed on social media calling out a celebrity who had a history of untoward behavior and had sexually harassed the author of the op-ed when she was underage. Right away, a friend came to the defense of the accused, claiming she worked with him on a project. He was nice toContinue reading “"But I Know Him…"”

Why #PurpleFriday Matters

  Tomorrow, September 15th, abuse survivors and their advocates with be tweeting with the hashtag, #PurpleFriday to raise awareness around child sexual abuse. Supporters are encouraged to wear purple and initiate a conversation wherever they are about the importance of abuse education. It is estimated that one in three children experience sexual abuse. I wasContinue reading “Why #PurpleFriday Matters”

Someday, I’ll Have to Deal With That

I consider myself to be fairly self-aware and introspective. I’ve always been willing to look at my life and my life choices from every angle and make adjustments when necessary. And yet, there was this one area of my life that I felt, instinctively, was too big, too dark, too scary for me to faceContinue reading “Someday, I’ll Have to Deal With That”

The Mysterious "They"

My mother was obsessed with them, but I never figured out who they were. For a while, I thought maybe they were the neighbors, but that didn’t make sense. Other than waving hello as we passed by, we weren’t really friends with our neighbors. We didn’t know each other any more than what was saidContinue reading “The Mysterious "They"”

Reclaiming the Good

I consider myself a positive person who tries to look for the good in every situation. I generally believe that focusing on what I am grateful for is a healthy perspective to have. Since coming to terms with the the childhood abuse I endured, I also have a newfound respect for admitting just how terribleContinue reading “Reclaiming the Good”

Moving On

“Well, admitting that I was abused emotionally, psychologically, sexually, and spiritually was healthy and important for a season, but I want to be done now. I’d like to go back to being myself again. You know, disconnected and ignorant of the real impact all this had on me. I’d like to move on now, asContinue reading “Moving On”

When It’s Time to Get Some Help

Complex trauma is like an impressionistic painting. Up close, it’s a bunch of tiny brush strokes, a jumble of dots and colors. It doesn’t look like anything, just stuff, seemingly unrelated. It’s not until a person takes several steps back to look again that the whole picture emerges. At least, that’s how it was forContinue reading “When It’s Time to Get Some Help”

No, They Weren’t Doing Their Best

One of the most overused platitudes I hear in response to toxic parents is that they must have meant well, or they were only doing the best they could. This is a terrible thing to say to a survivor of child abuse. It’s false and damaging to the victim, because it implies a false projectionContinue reading “No, They Weren’t Doing Their Best”

How Bad Was It?

It seems like a simple thing to figure out, but it’s not. in order to cope, I spent many, many years believing my abusers’ lies. It wasn’t that bad. Other people had it worse. There was something wrong and shameful about me, especially if I had a problem with what happened. Even though I acknowledgedContinue reading “How Bad Was It?”