The Silent Complicit

They see themselves as good people. Conflict makes them uncomfortable. They don’t want to get involved. They fear losing friends and family. They wish everyone would just get along. They are the silent complicit, and they are as toxic as the overt abusers they enable. In many ways, they are worse. They claim to beContinue reading “The Silent Complicit”

Reclaiming the Good

I consider myself a positive person who tries to look for the good in every situation. I generally believe that focusing on what I am grateful for is a healthy perspective to have. Since coming to terms with the the childhood abuse I endured, I also have a newfound respect for admitting just how terribleContinue reading “Reclaiming the Good”

How Bad Was It?

It seems like a simple thing to figure out, but it’s not. in order to cope, I spent many, many years believing my abusers’ lies. It wasn’t that bad. Other people had it worse. There was something wrong and shameful about me, especially if I had a problem with what happened. Even though I acknowledgedContinue reading “How Bad Was It?”

The Power of Resilience

Psst. I have a superpower. And maybe you do, too. There are many long term, far-reaching, negative effects that children of toxic parents endure, from physical health problems to emotional and social issues. Children of emotionally abusive parents often have the hardest recovery because it is so difficult to de-program all the negative feedback theyContinue reading “The Power of Resilience”

"But You’re So Normal!"

When the subject of my abusive past comes up, the surprised response I most often hear from others who have known me for a while is, “But you’re so normal!” There are a lot of different ways of coping with abuse. For me, I thought I could perform and please my way out of it.Continue reading “"But You’re So Normal!"”

Minimization

“It wasn’t that bad.” “What happened to me is nothing compared to what you’re going through.” “Well, at least… {insert positive thought here}” “Others have had it so much worse.” “It was a long time ago.” “Well, there’s nothing I can do about it now.” Our brains and bodies are experts at self-protection, and minimizationContinue reading “Minimization”