How To Think

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how we think. I have always been one to challenge the status quo, a habit I picked up from not going along with my abusers’ bullshit. I’ve always been able to see situations from different perspectives, another trait developed as a result of abuse. In my critical thinkingContinue reading “How To Think”

Integration

Writing about the nature of abuse along with my own personal experience of it has been an extremely helpful tool for me to better integrate who I am. For a long time, I distracted myself from going there, knowing full well that when I did, it would be intense. Eventually, that strategy failed and IContinue reading “Integration”

Point of View Ping-Pong

I have always been a perceptive person, able to see any situation from the point of view of others. Growing up, I never understood how I could see my parent’s point of view, but they could never see mine. And the (not so) funny thing is, their point of view was always skewed in theirContinue reading “Point of View Ping-Pong”

When It’s Not Enough, It’s Enough

Many survivors, myself included, struggle more than usual this time of year. Perhaps it’s the darkness. Perhaps it’s the expectations. Perhaps it’s the collective anxiety of the season. For me, it’s all of these and more. I can prepare, plan, and manage all the tricks I know to deal with my stuff, but complex traumaContinue reading “When It’s Not Enough, It’s Enough”

Validation

Recently, Arc of Hope, an (excellent) child abuse recovery and support network on Twitter added me to a list titled “Abused Kids/ Child Abuse Victim Army.” Seeing myself associated with being a victim of child abuse sent a shock through my body. It might sound weird, but it felt like a new revelation. Now, oneContinue reading “Validation”

Hoovering Sucks

I went no contact with my abusive parents many years ago, but my mother, a covert narcissist, still continues to hoover me in. Hoovering is a strategy characteristic of Cluster B disordered people wherein, like a vacuum cleaner, they try to suck people back in to their manufactured drama. It is yet another form ofContinue reading “Hoovering Sucks”

Actually, It Was That Bad

Recently, I wrote about the ways “It’s not that bad” has kept me from owning and validating the true cost of my traumatic past. There have been times I have envied those with physical trauma because they received all the validation and support that was denied me as a survivor of psychological trauma. There areContinue reading “Actually, It Was That Bad”

"It Wasn’t That Bad" Is Worst Of All

Even though I had all the classic symptoms and psychological traits of someone who has been abused, it took me a long time to understand and own what happened to me. For many years, I thought that it wasn’t that bad. After all, there was no physical evidence, at least not in the way aContinue reading “"It Wasn’t That Bad" Is Worst Of All”

How To Gray Rock A Narcissist

As a child of narcissistic parents, one of my proudest life accomplishments is over ten years of no contact with them. But let me qualify that. It also took over ten years of no contact to feel proud. For the bulk of my life, I carried all the guilt and shame about their bad behavior.Continue reading “How To Gray Rock A Narcissist”

Grateful To Be Ungrateful

Gratitude is popular in self-help and spiritual circles, and it’s easy to see why. Grateful people are easy to be around. Gratitude spreads to others and offers perspective. It feels good and puts positivity in the world. It can also be a huge obstacle for those healing from trauma. In this season of my lifeContinue reading “Grateful To Be Ungrateful”