Many years ago, when I was still in contact with my abusive family and seeking help from several mental health professionals, one psychologist in particular lit up with recognition when I described the situation. A family member had been previously diagnosed by another psychologist with “delusions of grandeur,” and even though the other family memberContinue reading “What ‘Drinking the Kool-Aid’ Really Means, And How To Avoid It”
Author Archives: Vicki Peterson
Recovery from the Pandemic Depends on How Safe We All Feel
We are collectively experiencing a traumatic event on a global scale. Some of us, because of past trauma, feel the effects more than others. All of us are impacted, to some degree. For some, this collective trauma may be a new experience. Some may notice that they feel more tired, less able to focus. PerhapsContinue reading “Recovery from the Pandemic Depends on How Safe We All Feel”
It’s Mothers Day, and All I Want is to Grieve
I dread Mothers Day, and the weeks leading up to it. Around the first of May, it begins. That uncomfortable feeling that swells up in me whenever I see some flowery advertisement featuring happily bonded mothers and daughters posed in their soft-focus, perfectly lit scenes of domestic life. But it’s so much more than theContinue reading “It’s Mothers Day, and All I Want is to Grieve”
Why No Contact is Essential if You Love Your Abuser
I love my abusers. I feel compassion for them. I can rise out of my own hurt feelings to see their humanity. I understand the challenges that shaped them, and I grieve the abuses that happened to them. However, none of this means I ought to be in a relationship with them. Loving them doesContinue reading “Why No Contact is Essential if You Love Your Abuser”
Authenticity is Stronger Than a “Tough Skin”
As a writer who has worked in Hollywood, I often hear people offering this advice: “You need a tough skin in order to make it in this business.” A “tough skin” is supposed to ward off the bad feelings that go along with rejection, which is a job hazard I live with on a dailyContinue reading “Authenticity is Stronger Than a “Tough Skin””
Big Goals are not Stand-ins for Love
I have an enormous goal. I’ve spent tens of thousands of hours honing my craft in order to reach it. I’ve spent even more on education and lifestyle changes to give myself the space, time, and know-how to accomplish it. I don’t even want to count the lost wages (and benefits and retirement savings) fromContinue reading “Big Goals are not Stand-ins for Love”
Hey, HR: If You Want a Productive Workplace, Maybe Stop Advertising for Psychopaths?
Dear Human Resources Department, Your work culture is toxic. How do I know? Almost inevitably, your advertised job opening goes something like this: “Fast-paced company seeks flexible, self-starting multitasker with strong attention to detail who thrives in a chaotic environment.” Let me stop you right there, HR person, because what you advertise is not aContinue reading “Hey, HR: If You Want a Productive Workplace, Maybe Stop Advertising for Psychopaths?”
What I Want To Say to the Person Who Just Escaped My Abuser
I recently learned that someone left one of my abusers. As much as I would love to take her to coffee and have a long, heartfelt conversation, it is neither wise or safe for me to make contact. I’ve had zero contact with my abuser for many years, and I never met the person whoContinue reading “What I Want To Say to the Person Who Just Escaped My Abuser”
When Your Own Narrative is a Life or Death Issue
We all know how it feels when someone gossips about us. We’ve all been on the receiving end of sensitive information about someone else that’s none of our business. We’ve all said something out of turn about another person. The sting of betrayal is hurtful and annoying, but for many, it’s not a huge deal.Continue reading “When Your Own Narrative is a Life or Death Issue”
Processing Trauma is a Privilege
Processing trauma means you are going to the trenches in order to heal. You’re wading into the deep, murky waters of your subconscious mind to free up the gunky messes that rooted themselves long ago. It’s expensive financially, and even more so energetically. It’s hard, painful, all-consuming work, and it requires a ton of courageContinue reading “Processing Trauma is a Privilege”
